Some thoughts on patience

When I think of all the things that God has given me over the last year, one that stands out is patience. I am not a naturally patient person. I'm the kind of guy who wishes shows would just come out on DVD right away, so I could watch the whole season in one sitting. On one occasion, I secretly and carefully unwrapped my Christmas presents a weeks early, in order to know what I was getting. Whenever I buy a gift for someone for a birthday or holiday, I always want to give it to them right away.


But there are things in life that can't be rushed. Like for example, getting a job. Just for example.

God does not adjust his timetables for our plans. This is a hard fact to swallow. But God's plans are so much more intricate and complete than ours. If I had gotten a job in August, I can't imagine all the ways my life would be lesser, but I know a few of them and I do not regret the suffering I have gone through for them.

I have been stuck on this verse in 1 Peter, chapter 5

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

I'm not trying to be a drama queen. I am positive that the "suffering" I have undergone is probably not exactly what Peter had in mind when he wrote that. I have no illusion that my life is very good, but at the same time, I can't downplay the mental suffering that I have undergone this year.

Searching for jobs sucks. Consistently putting yourself out there and being rejected is hard. Being told that the job you have worked towards for years, the job you are confident of your calling for, is just not for you, this is a hard thing to swallow. It digs into your confidence, into the most sensitive areas of your own importance and ability. But that doesn't mean that it is God saying NO, but perhaps, not now, not here.

And this is where patience appears. We hope for opportunity to appear, while working to make those opportunities available and using our time wisely as we wait. Patience means trusting that God is both in control and infinitely good. The second part is much harder to grasp, as you wake up each morning to do work you do not enjoy, as you struggle to pay bills, as your car shudders under you on the highway and you think, God, you could fix this anytime.

But the waiting period is so important, and we can be encouraged by the examples of Godly men of the past. Shoot, Noah waited 100 years for God to make it rain. In the meantime he built a gigantic ark and faced the jeers of his neighbors. Abraham waited 25 years for Isaac to be born to him. Granted he didn't handle his waiting period the best, what with the whole Hagar situation, but 25 years later, God had not forgotten him. Paul was arrested and sat in jail/was shipwrecked for 4 and a half years as he waited to appeal to Caesar. We know from his writings that he spent all that time sharing the gospel with his guards, politicians, and basically anyone who would hear from him.

But here is the trick with patience. It is so easy to lose sight of the end goal. We grow disheartened. This turns us to laziness. We are patient because we trust God. We become lazy when we feel God has failed us and we are too hurt to trust. Laziness is really nothing but unbelief and lack of faith, because if we had faith then there would be no time for laziness. We would realize that the in-between-God's-plans time is anything but a waiting period. It is a period of action. This is when God changes us. The end goal is not reward, but a completion of the change God has made in us. In the end this time of "waiting" in which I grow in my faith and disciple people and share the gospel is infinitely more important than any job I could ever be hired for. There is no time for laziness while there are so many people who still have not experienced true love.

But honestly, in my weakness, sometimes I am just lazy. Full disclosure here, that's what you get.

Quitting is an option, kinda

I haven't posted a blog in a while, so I thought I would share some thoughts on some reading I just finished in Acts 18.

There are few things in the world more exhausting than engaging in ministry that feels fruitless. You are striving, sharing Jesus, loving and caring for other people, and nothing happens. No visible change in their heart, no interest in God, just suffering continuing to pile upon suffering. There is a beauty to this kind of striving, when we get to walk miles with other people, sharing the burden that is life with them.

But the dilemma that we eventually face is that not everyone is going to accept Jesus. However, everyone deserves a chance to hear and see Jesus. Eventually, as people dedicated to sharing Christ with the world, our focus needs to shift when we find our efforts fruitless. That is not to say that we should stop loving and caring for those people, but the time and energy we expend needs to be devoted elsewhere. Paul experienced this in Corinth. In Acts 18, after many fruitless hours preaching to the Jews in the synagogue, he proceeds to do something pretty intense. He goes Jay-Z, brushes the dirt off his shoulders (literally the translation is "he protested by shaking the dust from his clothes") and says "Your blood be on your own heads! I am guiltless. From now on I will go to the Gentiles". Whoa, pulled out the serious card there, Paul.

But what he does next shows the depth of love he has for these people. Sure, he goes to his buddy Titius Justus (A man with a terrible first name contrasted by an awesome last name) and starts preaching out of his house. Next door to the synagogue. He never stopped ministering to the Jews! As he is preaching loudly next door, I am certain that the Jews could all hear what he was saying. I am so certain of this because the next line says that Crispus, the leader of the synagogue, and his whole household became a believer.

The really cool thing about this for me is how Paul describes his time in Corinth later, in his first letter to the Corinthians. He says "I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused it to grow". I bet for a while in Corinth, Paul felt like his ministry was fruitless. He was pouring and and seeing little for it. But then the church exploded. In Acts 18:17, there is a reference to Sosthenes, saying the other Jews beat him up after he had Paul arrested and his attempt to try Paul failed. This is likely the same Sosthenes who is greeted in 1st Corinthians as a Brother in Christ. Crazy!

I experienced this a lot in my time in Eaton Rapids. I planted and planted, rarely seeing growth. I felt like a failure and an abandoner when I was forced to shift focus and when I stepped out as a leader. But I think I know how Paul probably felt when he wrote Sosthenes name in Corinthians or when he thought of Crispus. The same thing that I think, when I see Andrew leading the guys I spent so much time thinking about, praying about, and loving. When I see guys like Brennan, Dan, Luke, and Trent eager to learn more about Jesus and grow in their faith, I see God's fruitful work.

Planting seeds is funny too. Only God knows how far down the line the way you have loved someone and shared Jesus with them will influence them to accept Him. This gives me hope for the people I have loved and comfort in my past efforts.

Space Janitor

I used this phrase today and then Promised Emily that I would write a post explaining myself.

I want to be a space janitor. I have literally had dreams where I was a space janitor. I know what you are thinking, "Way to shoot high there Coryell". But before you put that flashy Judging Hat on, the one that is made out of purple velvet and you spent four hours Bedazzling, hear me out.

He is so happy to be there that he is not even worried about the terribly ugly uniform he is forced to wear. Or that haircut...

The other day on NPR they were talking about how Obama was planning to change NASA's mission to focus on deep space exploration, instead of its current goal, of reaching the moon and eventually establishing a base on it. I proceeded to scream at my radio "Dangit Obama! I want to go to the moon!" which I recognize, is exactly what a crazy person would do/say. I was just really disappointed, because it could ruin my chances of being space janitor.

My theory is that at some point in my life, we will establish a base on the moon. Most likely it will be some sort of sciencey base, or maybe even a mining colony, to get that precious Helium-3. Either way, the jobs being done there will never be something that I qualify for. I know this because I have a degree in History, which, as I have quickly learned in my job search, qualifies me for nothing. Except maybe to say "well actually,..." when someone mentions some historical fact that I wish to repudiate.

But every moonbase needs someone to clean up poop and stuff right? You still poop in space, as far as I am aware. The baseboards will need to be dusted every few months. And who will put sawdust down when somebody accidentally space vomits? So all in one grab, I am going to shoot both high and low. The first space janitor in history. That is my goal.

These Things That I Say pt. 1

 If you have been around me at all in the last year, you have heard me say some variation of these two things repeatedly:

1. "Man, in like a month I will have a new car. This car will be dead in the next few weeks."

2. "Yeah I should like, know about for sure if I have a job in like a few weeks."

I am going to split this into two posts, the second being the car post (I need some time to take pictures so you can revel in it's greatness).

I am currently working as a substitute teacher, aspiring to be on Young Life Staff. I have been actively engaged in this search for almost a year now. It's a struggle. I could unpack about a million things here for you, but I will try to keep it relatively tight.

I suffer from a condition called overenthusiaitis. You may not have heard of it before, because I just made it up. There is only one symptom and it is a tendency to get over excited and enthusiastic about
the future, when said enthusiasm is uncalled for and future prospects are tentative. This manifests itself in many ways. For example, I might learn that a major soft drink company has invented a self-chilling bottle. I will then proceed to tell everyone about it and then eagerly await it's arrival to my nearest Quality Dairy. When this day does not arrive, I am disappointed. In the 11 months I have been looking for a job, this has happened to me exactly 6 times. I think I have a chance and then I tell everybody about it, because I am excited. Then I have to tell people about my failure.

So here is my current situation. I have interviewed for a job, and I am waiting to hear. God has taught me an incredible amount of patience over the last year. I can wait. But, because of my chronic overenthusiaitis, you all are waiting as well.

I love you all dearly.

It is flattering to me the amount of people who ask me if I know anything. I know you are praying for me and rooting for me. The other day I got 5 messages, via multiple different medias, asking me if I know anything yet. But know this, while I recognize and appreciate your love, and while I have mountains more patience than even just months ago, this question is really hard for me. All I want to do is give you good news, but as of yet I have none and its hard to say that to everyone. If you can hold off on asking me, it would be helpful to me in my desire for patience. But please, keep praying!

And know this, the moment I get a job, I will let you know. Some of you I will call personally, some of you I will expect to read the Facebook status updates and various Twitterings. But trust me you will know.

Sorry to get serious for a minute. Also, I recognize this is my fault, but please, I have a disease. It's called overenthusiaitis. And the only cure... is more cowbell

Deep Thoughts

I imagine that prison is a lot like a really long slumber party. Here is my reasoning:

1. Prison Clothes
Let's be honest. We all wish that we coukd wear prison clothes. Don't they just look so comfy. They are quite literally like pajamas. Slippers, so you can't beat anyone with your shoes. Baggy, solid coloured, no-pocketed pants and shirts. So nice.

They just look so comfy. And look, free bracelets! They appear to be friendship bracelets

2. Activities
There is really not a whole lot to do in the middle of the night during a slumber. Just like prison. You can hang out, watch some tv, maybe play some games outside in the "Yard", gossip with your buddies. Doesn't it sound great!

3. Cliques
An inevitable result of both slumber parties and prison is the formation of cliques. Groups of cool people "gang" up on the uncool people and play all sorts of pranks on them. At slumber parties, kids pull pranks on the losers such as the old "Hand in a bowl of water makes you pee" prank. In prison, guys pull pranks like the classic "Shiv in the kidney during lunch" and the ever popular "Now your name is Sally". Kids these days...

4. Warden/Mom&Dad
And of course, if things get too rowdy or loud, Mom/Dad/Warden will come down and yell at you/have you beaten.

I like to think that this man is the warden of every prison ever.

I suppose the only difference is that the worse you behave at a slumber party, the more likely you are to be sent home. Prison is the opposite, the worse you act, the longer the slumber party is. That is why I propose this thesis: Prison is like a slumber party, but better.

No really guys, I am 22

The other day I was at school, just kind of hanging out, watching a bunch of kids do some random basic algebra worksheet. The teacher who I was subbing for had a very nice desk chair. You know, the kind that swivels smoothly and is very comfy. So I was doing a nice third circle spin back and forth, just passing the time and entertaining myself. I heard the girl sitting closest to me laugh loudly, so I looked up with my serious face, as she was supposed to be working silently.

"Yes?" I said.

She replied snidely, "I'm sorry Mr. Kelsey, I just have never seen an adult spin around in their chair like that."
.......

I try really hard to be an adult. I usually speak with a relatively commanding and authoritative tone. I discipline, when necessary. I wear khakis, dress shirts and fancy dress shoes. No matter how hard I try though, I can't suppress my childishness.

Take the fancy shoes, for example. I have lots of fancy dress shoes, courtesy of James Saker. They are awesome!

Kind of like these. Man heels. Super hot

But, they have leather bottoms, which makes them very slippery. Sometimes, when a kid will be working and they raise their hand and I have to come over and talk to them, I will walk and then slide in like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, but with pants (I would post a video of what I'm talking about, but it's way too awkward). Obviously I always do this without thinking. I say obviously because every time it happens, a kid laughs at me, which is never a desirable outcome to any action.

It's kind of like this, but more accusatory. Like "Ha, you are a big, old loser"

I am not ashamed of who I am, I just suppose its not always appropriate for my life situations. However, it does sometimes come in handy. On Monday I taught Art at the Greater Lansing Islamic Center. This was great in a whole different way. But in this situation, it was great because my child mind helped in my job. The assignment was for the kids to draw an animal in a strange environment. Like cows flying or a dinosaur on Pluto. This is basically what I like to draw, so it worked out great.


Mostly it was hilarious for me. A girl drew a brontosaurus next to a volcano. I was like, "Well, this is not really a strange environment for a dinosaur, what would make this stranger?"

So she drew a cowboy riding it.

This is why being a child is great and being a childish adult is really great.

Sponsored Links

I am currently under the impression that Google's Ad service just does not know what to make of me. So their ad service, I assume operates by tracking what I do online and then displaying advertisments to me that it thinks I might happen to click. At the very least, the Sponsored Links above the emails in my inbox probably take information from my email stuff and do so. Facebook ads work a similiar way. They say "Hey, this person likes Jesus" and draw the conclusion that I obviously will be interested in Hot Christian Women at christiansingles.com.

I understand these conclusions, whether or not they are correct. But sometimes, actually on a regular basis, some of the ads I am shown really make me wonder what Google thinks of me. The most recent one I have seen was this

Amish Girls - webcrawler.com/amish_girls - Search multiple engines at once for amish girls

I did not click this link, because I had no desire to explain this when it would have inevitably appeared on my accountability software report. But it made me wonder. Google, why exactly are you under the impression taht a multiple engine search for amish girls is something that I am very interested in undertaking. What internet habits do I have that make you think, "I bet he wants to find some Amish girls". And please, do not assume that I have some sort of shady Amish girl thing going on. Although the aforementioned Internet Rule #34 undoubtedly applies to the Amish as well.

As I was writing this blog, Matthew Briede brings up a good point on my facebook status. How many Amish women are into internet dating? Not very many, I would guess. I just have a picture of a woman with a bonnet, sitting at her desk by candlelight, typing on a wooden keyboard.

I bet it's made from an Apple tree. A Macintosh Apple tree.

A more interesting ad suggestion Google made to me once though was for an Ursack. Now I know all of you are familiar with Ursacks, but I will tell you about them anyways. Or actually, I will let them tell you about them, via video.



Yes, you heard that right. Not only is it bear proof, but it is bulletproof. Just in case someone decides to try and shoot your food. Or more specifically, in case a bear tries to shoot your food.

Now laying aside the question of "Who on earth would even want this in the first place?", what I really want to know is, what exactly have I ever done on the internet or in my email that leads you to believe this would be a product that I would be interested in.

It also makes me think too about people in general. What are people's perceptions of me as they see my actions and hear my words? Not in the sense of whether or not they think I am interested in amish girls, but in the sense of who I think I am versus who others think I am. Who do you say that I am?

Man, Noel's Chart Looks So Much Cooler

One thing that I really love is Biblical Conflict Resolution. Ironically, I am not fantastic at enacting it in my own life. But honestly, I am probably being too critical of myself here. I don't know if I have ever seen any sort of conflict resolution, no matter how well done, that wasn't hard and painful for all parties involved. Nobody likes being told that they have done something wrong, and sin, no matter how large or small, is always an embarrassing things to have revealed and acknowledged by someone. I am good at guiding people through appropriate conflict resolution though.

Noel posted his flowchart of conflict resolution yesterday on his website. The only place I disagree (and I posited this to him on his site, so recognize that I am probably wrong in my disagreement) is Steps 2 and 5. I feel like whether or not the person is a christian and whether or not it is a preference issue should not keep you from discussing the matter with them one on one. Oftentimes, this is all that is necessary to achieve the outcome you desire. Obviously you have no biblical grounds to push them to reformation here, but sometimes people just know that you disagree/they hurt you. Certainly we should be ready to forgive, but sometimes the forgiveness process is very hard. Would it not be easier to defuse the whole situation with one simple conversation? But, if you are rejected, move on to forgiveness and bear no grudges.

Here's Noel's Chart:

I made my own chart sometime last year for a Campaigner's lesson. It is a little rough, and could use some work, but here it is: 

One of the most important points that was not made on either charts is what it means to treat someone as a Gentile and a tax collector. It is a sad fact in the American Church that when people come to this point of conflict resolution, the person is basically thrown out of the community and shunned. But is this how Jesus treated Gentiles and tax collectors? By no means! Really it just puts us back to the beginning, where they are unbelievers and we forgive and accept the injustice. And then we love them deeply and do our best to be physical representations of Jesus to them. So really the last point just means, increase your love and patience.

If anyone wants a copy of this, I can totally email them a pdf of it.

Klenginem

I don't know where this thought originated from, but ever since I was a little kid, I have had an interesting perspective on things that I dislike. While I recognize that I might think a particular band/movie/product/whatever is terrible, I know that somewhere out there, there is a person who loves her/him/it and thinks that he/she/it is the greatest thing since sliced bread. For example, no matter how stupid we all think that the Snuggie may be, there is at least one person out there who just really genuinely loves their Snuggie. They are probably all like, "C'mon it is a blanket, with sleeves!"

However, it is unlikely that the person is this baby.

Years of therapy will not heal these wounds.

I think this is logical, since nothing in the world that is produced for other people to enjoy would get out there if nobody enjoyed it. This is confirmed by Internet Rule #34.

The reason I bring this up is because never, ever, ever in my life have I ever come remotely close to thinking something along the lines of "Man I really like Eminem, but I wish that I could hear his raps in Klingon, being rapped by a man dressed as a Klingon." But apparently some people have and so is born Klenginem. And yes, he is touring.



Of course, he is German, so this makes a lot more sense now.

Mr. Kelsey

A firm belief that I have is that one of the only ways we will get through life is if we find the hilarity in it. That being said, my life is hilarious. Abso-freaking-lutely. One of the more hilarious things about my life currently is the fact that I am a substitute teacher. This is hilarious on many levels, but the greatest being the things that come out of the kids mouths. I have begun to write them down on scene, so I can remember them. Here are some gems.

Conversation with 7th Grade Girl
Her: Mr. Kelsey, do you have any kids?
Me: Uhhh, nope, I do not have any kids.
Her: Well why not?
Me: Ummm, well I am only 22 and I am not married.
Her (In an accusatory tone): Well, do you even have a girlfriend.
Me: No, I do not.
Her: Mr Kelsey, are you just going to be alone forever?

I did not really know how to respond to this. Maybe like this?


I kid, I kid. This is just an old picture that I used to threaten Dan Davenport with.

Another gem:
Different 7th Grade Girl
"You remind me of this hobo who was at Girl Scouts on Wednesday"

I have so many questions to ask her about this. Why do I, in my dress clothes, remind you of a hobo? Why was there a hobo at your Girl Scouts meeting? What is the name of this homeless doppleganger of me?

And another:
7th Grader
Her: "Did you get those shoes at the clown store?" (In reference to my very niceblack dress shoes.)
Me: "No, I just have very large feet"

I hope you enjoy these. I am sure there will be very many more to come.